"John, I hope you will forgive the intrusion."
"Gar-tu-B~luk! Come in!"
"Thank you. I wanted to discuss something with you. The ship log indicates that you did a manual override of the air-quality and fire alarms for your cabin and then that the air quality here, in your room, was at dangerously poor levels last night. Is everything acceptable?"
"Oh, sure! I just had the other 5 Earthers over for poker night?"
"Is this a holiday of some sort?"
"No, Gar, it is just when Earthers gather together to play a game of chance. It is more of an informal social bonding ritual, you would say."
"Does this game of chance involve burning furniture?"
"What?! Oh! The air quality. No, gar. Poker night was special because my father was able to send me some gifts from Earth. Here."
"What is this?"
"Brandy!"
"Hold on, John, I have added an Earth Information Module to mt personal device sine we spoke of dogs and cats. Yes, let me see. Ah. 'Brandy is where earthers use distillation to concentrate the ethanol byproducts of fruit contaminated with yeast.' That makes sense; you used ethanol as a sterilizing agent to ritually clean your room and the toxic fumes must have..."
"No, Gar. Brandy is a special treat. We drank it."
"You drank it. It does contain ethanol, yes?"
"Certainly."
"And ethanol is a sterilizing agent and solvent on Earth?"
"Among other things."
"Is this 'brandy' what allows you to consume 'hot sauce' without dying?"
"No. Enjoy the taste of brandy. I overdid it a little, though."
"What do you mean?"
"Our bodies produce toxins as a by product of consuming ethanol. If we consume enough ethanol in one setting the toxins, plus the depletion of essential nutrients, cause us to feel discomfort, even pain, the next day. We call this a 'hangover'."
'Then why in the universe would you drink it?"
"Ethanol has a psychoactive effect on our nervous system which produces a feeling of mild euphoria. It unfortunately also inhibits judgement in larger doses so..."
"The more you have the more likely you are to have too much? That seems risky, John."
"We learn to manage our intake. Well, most of us. Some humans become alcoholics."
"One moment. Let me read this.... So you are saying that this solvent that you drink is also addictive to your species?"
"If you aren't careful, sure. It takes a lot to create a dependency, though. Well, for some people it doesn't. Anyway - we like drinking it from time to time."
"So as you drank the brandy you and the other earthers emitted toxic fumes that set off the... Why are you laughing? Doesn't that mean you are amused?"
"Gar, the air issue was from the other gift. I have a few left. They are called cigars."
"My database beckons. 'Cigar - a tightly rolled tube made of the fermented and dried leaves of the tobacco plant'. You ate these and then the...."
"Gar, please. We don't eat cigars. We smoke them."
"Ahhhhh! Now I see! Like the incense at the religious festivals!"
"No. We light one end and then draw the smoke into our mouths through the tube."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"The smoke? Into your mouths? For how long?"
"Oh, a few seconds at a time, and we repeat that until the cigar is consumed."
"John, I ask you to forgive me, but - why?"
"Remember how we use capsaicin, a natural pesticide, to enhance the flavor of foods?"
"Yes."
"Certain plants developed an anti-herbivore defense called 'nicotine'. It is an alkaloid and powerful toxin that has a strong stimulant effect on most earth creatures, especially mammals."
"Please continue."
"Tobacco contains a fair amount of nicotine so we dry the leaves, form them, and then burn them and inhale the smoke so we may absorb nicotine through our mucous membranes."
"To what end?"
"To enjoy the sensation given by the nicotine on our metabolism."
"Do all earthers enjoy this?"
"No. Some dislike the effects, others dislike the taste of the smoke. Some are concerned about addiction."
"Let me hazard a guess - nicotine is mildly addictive?"
"Goodness, no! It is highly addictive. I prefer cigars to other forms of smoking because it has a lower incidence of addiction."
"But not zero?"
"No."
"So 'poker night' involves you and other earth people gathering together to drink an addictive solvent while inhaling the highly addictive smoke of a plant so you may metabolise a powerful toxin. And this is an informal ritual that builds strong social bonds?"
"Yes! Lifelong friendships can form from regular poker nights."
"John, your species terrifies me. What do you do to convicted criminals to make them regret their crimes?"
"Oddly enough? We don't allow them to have ethanol. Access to nicotine is a right, however."
"I am NEVER going to earth!"
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